Regret
by dead2self
Summary: A six-part series covering Rachel Dawes' funeral, each part showing the regret of a man watching - Bruce Wayne, Jim Gordon, Mayor Garcia, Harvey Dent, and the Joker.
1. Bricks

Regret

Part 1 - Bricks

by dead2self

Summary: A six-part series covering Rachel Dawes' funeral, each part showing the regret of a man watching - Bruce Wayne, Jim Gordon, Mayor Garcia, Harvey Dent, and the Joker.

Notes: Kicking it off with Bruce!

* * *

For some men, regret is a load of bricks. They stack and stack, building a burden one will carry for an entire life.

* * *

Bruce Wayne did not know when Rachel Dawes' funeral had turned into a citywide event, but he hated it. Rachel would have hated it. All these people with their fake sympathy and their shallow sadness. But what turned Bruce's blood the most was the ones with a morbid curiosity for the woman who had died stuck between the Joker and the Batman in their epic criminal face off.

He _wanted_ to be alone with her, or at the very most, alone with a small procession of her friends. He wanted to collapse to his knees, to hell with the million dollar suit they had shoved on him, dig his hands into the grass to hold on for dear life, and sob into the dirt until his couldn't breathe. But _Bruce Wayne_ could only stand stony-faced as he paused before the closed casket and then made way for the next face in the crowd.

Every move he made seemed sluggish, weighed down by sorrow and regret. The picture frames set up near the foot of the casket, candid snapshots that showed Rachel grinning sheepishly from among her law books, Rachel's fingers laced with Harvey Dent's, a younger Rachel with her mother and the Wayne family, reawakened every memory of Rachel. Every memory of that night. _Why _had he believed the Joker, the man who reveled in chaos? Why had he trusted the police to be fast enough? Why hadn't he checked out Gordon's unit as thoroughly as Harvey Dent insisted?

He might as well have killed Rachel himself.

His legs nearly buckled beneath him, and Bruce cast around frantically for the nearest chair. He sat down heavily and buried his face in his hands, no longer caring who saw the extent to which Bruce Wayne was grieving for Rachel Dawes. A hand fell on his shaking shoulders, and Bruce looked up sharply at the police commissioner before letting his head fall back down.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Wayne," Jim Gordon said softly. "I understand you and Miss Dawes were close?" The question in Gordon's voice was understood: just how close were you?

"I loved her!" Bruce wanted to scream, but his persona, the necessary Bruce Wayne persona, beat it down before it reached his tongue. Let Gordon draw his own conclusions.

"Come on, Mr. Wayne, let's get you to your seat," said Gordon, helping Bruce to his feet. The Commissioner's eyes flicked between Bruce, who was leaning heavily on Gordon for support as he walked, and the seat reserved for him at the front. "I may have a pick-me-up myself when this whole affair is over." The guilt in his voice froze Bruce, and he wanted to look the man in his eyes and tell him that _nothing_ was his fault. And _Bruce Wayne _wasn't about to be another brick for the Commissioner to bear.

Bruce barked out a laugh and separated himself from the officer, forcing his body to stand tall on its own, hold the weight. "As good an idea as any," he said, voice husky. "Sorry." He held out his hand to Gordon and gave him a firm handshake. "You're a good man, Commissioner. There's your seat; I think I can make it to mine on my own now."

Gordon looked unsure, but Bruce flashed him a winning smile and strode to the front, his gait easy, purposeful, and strong.


	2. Drowning

Regret

Part 2 - Drowning

by dead2self

Summary: A six-part series covering Rachel Dawes' funeral, each part showing the regret of a man watching - Bruce Wayne, Jim Gordon, Mayor Garcia, Harvey Dent, and the Joker.

Notes: Gotta love Gordon! :D Thanks so much for the reviews on the first chapter... I love reviews so much. To the one person who expressed interest in the Mayor Garcia chapter (or, rather, incredulity)... Well, there's different types of regret and I'm trying to show that with his chapter. But for now, Gordon. Enjoy!

* * *

For some men, regret is drowning. One is swamped on all sides until unable to tell up from down, left from right, and the only option is to claw in one direction and hope for air. Eventually those men will clear the surface and take a deep breath before plunging in to the next wave.

* * *

When Jim Gordon watched young Bruce Wayne walk away, putting up a strong front to hide the apparent despair he was feeling, he found his breath stuck in his throat. He was facing the little boy who barely cried in the face of his parents' death all over again.

He had faced death and failure countless times in his long years with the police force, and it never failed to sting. They were meant to save lives, but they were only human. In the face of the Batman, it stung all the more. How could he become more than human, pull a victim from his building, while they were stuck shielding their faces from the explosions?

The events of the past few months hit him all over again while he stared at the back of Bruce Wayne's head. Countless homicides had occurred while they couldn't pin down the Joker, not to mention the rise of fear toxin killings while they couldn't find Dr. Crane. Then, in the last week, Brian Douglas, who just wanted to help. Judge Serillo and Commission Loeb, who were just fulfilling their public services. Richard Dent and Patrick Harvey, who just happened to have the wrong last names. Lao, for Jim's overconfidence in the security of the MCU, and Wortz, because he had too much faith in humanity and trust in his unit. Countless others who he couldn't name, just for the Joker to make a point. _Rachel Dawes_, the downfall of their White Knight, and the nightmares his children battled every night. The apparent downfall of their Dark Knight.

Just a glance at the faces around him could tell of all the pain that he caused Gotham.

Jim realized abruptly that tears were rolling down his cheeks and he wasn't breathing. "You've got to pull yourself together, Commissioner," said a quiet voice next to his shoulder. Jim glanced over at the mayor, noticing that people around him were moving to their seats and they were among the last standing.

"Yes, sir," he answered, drawing a shuddering, steeling gulp of air. Gathering his resolve, Jim turned and slid into the row where his chair was labeled, apologizing to those who he bumped. Reddening as he scrubbed his cheeks, he faced straight ahead and watched the mayor climb to the podium.


	3. Policies

Regret

Part 3 - Policies

Summary: A six-part series covering Rachel Dawes' funeral, each part showing the regret of a man watching - Bruce Wayne, Jim Gordon, Mayor Garcia, Harvey Dent, and the Joker.

Notes: Mayor Garcia doesn't get enough face time in fanfiction. Here's to the, uh, good mayor. Enjoy and review please!

* * *

For some men, regret is a political policy. One must be able to put on a somber face when necessary, or re-election is nothing more than a far-off dream.

* * *

Mayor Garcia did not pretend that he knew Rachel Dawes or had any more grief over her death than any other person he might pass on the street. Harvey Dent's death had rattled him, certainly, but his feelings towards Rachel's death might be compared to those he felt a friend's uncle had just passed away. The sympathy was there with none of the feeling.

What little he knew of Rachel from working with the DA's office in some of the mob investigations was that she was a strong individual with an even stronger sense of justice. She was a top-notch prosecutor who, had she continued in her career, could have vied for the DA position later in life. He knew she had a small circle of friends, including some of Gotham's elite due to connections in her early childhood, and that she was very special to Harvey Dent. But, regretfully, Garcia did not _know_ her.

He had never really been good at this part of politics, the part that required him to feel personal sorrow at every death in his jurisdiction. The hypocrisy of it bothered him. He disliked staring into the families in the front row who knew he did not care as much as his speechwriters said he did.

So, he took his time to look each of them in the eye and somehow will them to understand that he was sorry he did not feel the same way as they did. He was just doing what was required of him as a public servant, and usually this absolved him of guilt.

But even when he launched into a speech that lauded Rachel Dawes' strength of character and fierce determination for justice, he could not shake the dark-eyed stare of Bruce Wayne. Garcia bristled under the onslaught. The man expected the impossible! He could only speak of her as a public servant; Wayne could speak of her as a friend and as a person when he had his chance at the podium.

And so, Mayor Garcia followed his script and looked out over the crowd and over Bruce Wayne's accusing stare. He expressed his _sincere_ regret for Rachel Dawes and Harvey Dent, since the two of them could hardly be separated in life, and political points were to be had in every mention of Gotham's White Knight.


	4. Perhaps

Regret

Part 4 - Perhaps

by dead2self

Summary: A six-part series covering Rachel Dawes' funeral, each part showing the regret of a man watching - Bruce Wayne, Jim Gordon, Mayor Garcia, Harvey Dent, and the Joker.

Notes: Okay, so this chapter might be just slightly a joke... But for you people who were hoping for a really long, angsty Harvey Dent chapter, I'm sorry to disappoint.

* * *

Harvey Dent might have felt regret over Rachel Dawes' death. He would have felt regret, certainly, had he been in a right state of mind. But the Joker, effectively, killed him, so that is neither here nor there.


	5. Potential

Regret

Part 5 - Potential

by dead2self

Summary: A six-part series covering Rachel Dawes' funeral, each part showing the regret of a man watching - Bruce Wayne, Jim Gordon, Mayor Garcia, Harvey Dent, and the Joker.

Notes: At least after my cheapskate Harvey Dent chapter, I'm giving you guys the Joker. Haha... One more chapter left after this. Can you guess who it is?

Enjoy and review please!

* * *

For some men, regret is a vague void; the potential for a little bit of pleasure, a little bit of fun, that never got fulfilled.

* * *

The Joker smacked his lips at the attendant who was giving him a wide berth, giggling when she jumped so badly that the syringe she was carrying fumbled out of her hands. His arms flexed against the soft restraints, fingers twitching, as she snatched it up and scurried out of the room, losing the resolve to give him the medicine on her own for the third time that week. And he hadn't even _done_ anything yet.

To the disappointment of most of Gotham, he had qualified for the insanity plea quite easily, garnering a cushy little room that was more like a hospital than a jail. He was strapped to the bed at all times, but it was a nice little home away from home while he rested up for his next big tryst with the Batman.

A small, black and white television was mounted in the corner of his room and probably had not been touched for decades. He had taken a small break, a _teensy _tiny break, from the restraints on his bed to plug it in and adjust the antennae. He left it on and tuned to the news, which unnerved his nurses for some reason. But, as he told the doctors, it kept him occupied and not _bored_. After he had to get up a few times to flip on the power, they finally got the picture and graciously allowed him to keep the television on.

It was obviously a slow news day, because Gotham Cable News was broadcasting a funeral. It didn't draw the Joker's attention until his name was mentioned, and he realized with delight that the funeral was in honor of the late Miss Rachel Dawes.

Belting out a laugh, the Joker shifted around in his bed to get a better angle on the screen. "Oooh, ol' Harvey'd be so happy!" he muttered to himself. Seems the whole city had turned out to celebrate the death of his little girlfriend. There was that cockroach-mayor giving a riveting speech about her life, very poetic. The Joker's gaze scrambled hungrily over the assembled.

If anything good could be said of Harvey, it was that he sure knew how to pick a woman. She had Commissioner Gordon puffy-eyed and Gotham's favorite billionaire playboy looked like he might snap off the mayor's head when they shook hands at the podium. And that wasn't even mentioning a certain caped crusader she had wrapped around her little finger.

The Joker watched, entranced, as Bruce Wayne stumbled through his eulogy, his dark eyes not matching his casual voice as he recounted some trite childhood memory. The Joker laughed at all the right segments and repeated Wayne's sentences after him, but he was mostly intrigued by the billionaire's rigid stance and the well of emotions he kept back from the audience. Who was this woman that held even the notorious _Prince of Gotham_ in sway?

The nurse returned with a small army of medical personnel to give the Joker his sedative, and he greeted them with a pleasant grin. "A real shame about that Rachel girl, isn't it?" he told them, nodding to the screen. They all regarded him warily, and some even tossed him murderous looks, but he meant it. Just thinking about all the things he could have done with that girl before baiting the Batman had made him jittery with excitement and frustration. It took five of them to hold him down, and the one who finally stabbed the needle into his arm was none too gentle about it.

The cloudy blackness tumbled over his mind and he promised to visit her grave whenever he got tired of the cushy hospital room. Leave flowers or… something…. a little... more……….fun………………


	6. Thank You

Regret

Part 6 - Thank You

by dead2self

Summary: A six-part series covering Rachel Dawes' funeral, each part showing the regret of a man watching - Bruce Wayne, Jim Gordon, Mayor Garcia, Harvey Dent, and the Joker.

Notes: Man! I'm so sorry to anyone who had this story on alert. I thought I had posted this already, but apparently I was getting ffnet and lj mixed up. This part is slightly anti-climactic after such a long wait, but it brings things full circle. Hope you enjoy! Please leave reviews. :D

Edit: Thanks to Lone Warrior2 for pointing out the typo that I've now fixed! :D

* * *

It was ironic how imminent death really clarified everything for Rachel. Harvey had been right about that. But it was not _her_ imminent death that clarified everything, but _his_. The thought of living without him was cold, unforgiving. So, she told him.

Her wrists were chafing against her bindings and the smell of oil was overwhelming, but she only felt a strange peace. She could finally make the decision that she had been putting off for months.

And then, abruptly, everything shifted. With slight confusion, she realized that she really was facing death, and Harvey was not. A terrible, gripping fear clenched up in her chest, but it was wonderful.

Rachel did feel a twinge of regret, yes, that she would no longer be able to live out the decision she had made, but it was far outweighed by the relief that Harvey's voice was becoming smaller, farther away from his oil drums.

She was yelling, but a million last thoughts were spilling through her head. In her last second, a familiar face entered her mind.

_Thank you, Bruce. Thank you so m—_


End file.
